Almost Human
by Ellis King
Summary: Hedwig is an Animagus. She became an owl to hide from a prophesy. She not only has to deal with having feelings for her owner, but possible death and destruction...
1. Chapter 1

**ALMOST HUMAN - by _Ellis King_**

A/N:Okay, I know that this is a very strange idea, but hopefully with your reviews and my (ahem) wonderful updating skills (don't be angry please please please please! However if you are desperate, and i hope you _will _be desperate, than just email and ill write that chapter up pronto!) we will get through this quickly and pleasantly! I make it sound like a chore, don't I? Truth is, I love to write, but sometimes i get writers block. Okay, i get writers block _a lot_. But if you like it, I will keep writing it!

Enjoy!

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Disclaimer: If you truly think I own these characters, you need to find a psyco ward and _fast_!

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Part I: Changing

She peeked out from the bars on her cage. He was sitting on his bed reading the latest _Daily Prophet_. His black, unruly hair fell over his glasses and he kept pushing it back irritably. She chuckled softly to herself, _If he would let someone cut it…_

"Hedwig?" _I _told _myself to stop laughing in public._ "Hedwig did you just… _chuckle_?" In response she just hooted and flapped her wings once or twice. Pecking at the bars, she hoped he would forget it and simply let her out so she could think. She seemed to be needing to do that a lot…

"…to be going out a lot these days, Hedwig. Getting a bit plump, maybe?" He laughed to himself more than to her. "Somehow I can't imagine another baby Hedwig. Just you and me is _all _I can handle." He let her out then, opening the window extra wide in a jokingly gallant gesture. "No more of that, now, Hedwig. I'm not built to carry around _two _cages." With a last look at his soft smiling face, she flew off into the night.

Sickeningly precise houses aligned the ground beneath her as if mocking her. _Yeah, I'm sure you're more confused than you look; you can't fool me. _She sighed. _But probably not as confused as me. _Sadness and anger came out from her in waves. Why should she have to keep up this façade? Did she really need to? Didn't she want to? Oh, botheration. She was flying in circles around a stupid tree with no possible prey. That was one thing she could do without. Eating animals was one thing, but eating _live _animals? She had tried once to eat plants but found the results the next day were unsettling. No pun intended. But she knew that once she could be permanently human again, _if _she could be permanently human again, she was indefinitely becoming a vegetarian.

She swooped down to the ground and smoothly landed right below a widespread tree. She found the reaching branches soothing; as if they were protecting her from the dark creatures of the night. She brought her wing up to her bright yellow eyes that most said were strangely human. Taking a deep breath, she willed it to change. Slowly but surely, she watched as pale fingers began to form from the feathers. She brought up the other wing and willed that one as well. The pain she ignored; she needed to be human, if only for a minute. She willed her face next. She reached the new slender hands up and felt her nose and mouth. It quirked in response. After, it was her legs, then her arms, and then her torso. The wind whipped around her completely bare skin, but instead of feeling the chill, she felt free. Free at last. _Now don't go singing muggle songs in your head. You've already got too much buzzing around there…_ She stood. Her legs were unsure at first, but they quickly adjusted. They always did.

She looked up towards the sky. Her long black hair fell around her shoulders. She never had any reason to cut it, since she only got these few moments in this form. Her piercing eyes swirled with violet, but still held a tint of yellow. They always would. Her skin was as pale as the moonlight. With all those feathers covering it, and her never going out of doors during the day, it would be.

She turned around and around, dizzy and happy all at once. But unlike her owl form that never got dizzy, her human form fell down onto the soft grass. As she lay there, re-gathering her senses, her happiness slowly faded. She felt as her bones began to turn hollow. Her torso got shorter and shorter and her whole body became covered in brown feathers. Only for seconds was she ever allowed that joy of being herself. Eventually, all her features became that of a fowl.

Heaving a well deserved sigh, she pulled herself off the ground. She was aching all over – the result of the night's work. Her stomach growled then. _Ah, _she thought, _the irony of the world. I'm hungry just as I turn into the form of a carnivorous cannibal. _She lifted her wings. She was so very tired, and she had only changed for a few moments. She could never keep going at this rate. It was slowly destroying her. Each night she wanted it for longer and each night she could do it for shorter and shorter amounts of time. Pretty soon it would be impossible.

She flapped her wings and soon she was airborne. She flew through the branches of the tree that had hid her from the prying eyes of the world. Thoughts flitted about in her brain, but one stood out above the others. Would she _ever_ get to be herself… permanently?

"You were out for a while last night, Hedwig. Any troubles?" He had left her cage open so she flew out and landed on his shoulder. Inside she was panting. Nuzzling into his shoulder, she told him he needn't worry without having to use any words. He smiled. "Oh I know. You're a good bird." Hedwig sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that week. At least he thought she was a good _bird_… if nothing else.

Harry had been in a frenzy for hours now. School was going to start in two days and as usual, his room was an utter disaster. For the amount of time he had spent _thinking_ about going to Hogwarts, he hadn't spent any of his time preparing. Luckily, Mrs. Weasley had bought his books on her visit to Diagon Alley. Hedwig herself had brought the thank you letter that also included their plans to meet at the train station on departure day. She signed inwardly. _Too much sighing, Hedwig… _She was exited to get back to Hogwarts, but the school held a sort of loneliness for owls. She was used much more as a post owl there too, which would take up most of her energy. A bird's strength and endurance did not accompany her transformation. She had a bird's jobs to do and a bird's life to live, but she had to do it on the meager muscle of a human. Confound it all!

"Drop these in the rubbish bin, will you Hedwig?" She went over meekly and took a few sheets of used parchment from his outstretched hand, but not before nipping his finger and looking meaningfully at her cage. In all the bustle he hadn't cleaned it yet. She felt helpless and angry that she couldn't do it herself but one can't do much with wings and feathers and all those sorts of useless things. He laughed and nodded. "Sorry Hedwig. Forgot! But do throw these away." She took them obligingly to the bin and peered out the window as she passed it. It was a sunny day. Not hot, not cold, but the exact temperature that made you want to lie in the grass and look for shapes in the clouds. It's as if the world was determined to be perfect just to show her how _imperfect_ she was. _Well you go ahead and be nice and pretty because I'll just ignore you. Harry thinks I'm a _good _bird. So there! _

Finishing her task she lept back into her cage. At first, the cage had seemed like a prison; holding her back from a life she'd never get to have. But now they were protection. A mask – no one need ever see her as who she was… Faith.

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A/N: Sooooooooooo... Review! I know your hand is just itching to click that little 'Submit Review'...


	2. Chapter 2

Helplessly Hedwig watched as Harry threw things about, completely unconcerned as to where they landed. A bottle of ink was tossed onto the dresser and, needless to say, the dresser was soon completely blue. To make things worse, he threw his Gryffindor tie backwards over his shoulder and it landed right on top, the color of midnight slowly seeping over it. She wanted to scream at him. What was he _looking _for, anyhow!

She started squawking to let him know she was upset. _Damn not being able to TALK when I need to! _When he looked up, he was agitated. She could see in his face that he was _not _in the mood to be squawked at. But she kept it up and soon his brow cleared. "Alright Hedwig, what is it?" He came and opened her cage, allowing her to fly out and perch angrily on top of his dresser, taking care not to step in the spilt ink. Harry flushed and stuttered, "I – I… oh confound it all! I can't find my wand!"

If Hedwig had been in the position to, she would have gaped at him. _His WAND! Bloody…_

"And I need _it_ to find it and to clean up the room and – help me, Hedwig!" His face was desperate. In response, she huffed and started to spread her wings to fly. First she would find his wand and then she'd show him a piece of her mind! Before long, she had spotted it beneath his overly crowded bed. She went down, picked it up in her talons, and went to rest on her cage, still holding Harry's wand. It took him a few minutes to realize she wasn't flying about him anymore. When he looked up at her cage, he saw an expression that she hoped was utter disapproval written all over her feathery face. "Hedwig, you found it!" He seemed entirely unaffected by her demeanor. He went over to her to retrieve it, but she flew towards the ceiling right before he reached her. "Oh, come on, Hedwig, I _need _that wand!" She kept out of his reach expertly and then flew to the highest thing she could see. Big mistake.

"Hedwig! Don't put your claws on the…!" But he was a millisecond too late. As her claws dug into the light bulb hanging from the ceiling, her ears heard a cracking sound and the light bulb shattered into a hundred little pieces. Having nothing else to hold on to, and too much in shock to fly, Hedwig plummeted towards the floor. When she hit, Harry's face swam above her eyes. He had a scratch, probably from the glass, right above his left eye. She never had been much good with blood…

"Hedwig!" she was lying on the ground, wings sprawled out beside her. They felt like lead, but she lifted them enough to let him know she was awake. His face came into focus once more. His head was bandaged. _Thank God._ Although it took almost all the strength she had in her, she flapped her wings, one almost shouting with pain, and came to rest on his knee. "Oh good, you're alright! I would have healed you but I'm really not much better than Professor Lockhart. You're wing's broken…" _Well that explains it. _"…so don't fly for a couple days, okay?" She almost nodded but stopped herself just in time. "Lousy bird, I told you not to land there! (_From good to lousy in the space of a day? He must be tired._) You could've electrocuted yourself and then I wouldn't have anyone to… send letters with." His pause at the end excused him. What was he going to say? Someone to… talk to? Get angry at? Maybe… love him?

She sat silently in her cage, cradling her broken wing. _How am I going to eat? _Nothing he ate could possibly appeal to her in this form. Coco Pops and chocolate frogs were things only humans could swallow. Willingly, strangely enough. Her mind wandered over different things, not for anything particular but simply bored and looking for a way to amuse itself. But, by chance, she happened upon a memory. Her fifth Christmas. _What _a Christmas present.

"_Faith? Faith I've got something for you." His thick Scottish accent made one's ears strain to hear him. A small hand reached up and grasped his arm. _

"_What is it Da?" The man chuckled._

"_Well, I went to a seer today and she gave me a little prophesy for you. It's just something silly but I thought you'd like it." He reached into his pocket. "I haven't read it yet, so you'll be the first. Here ya go." He handed her a small piece of parchment with twine wrapped around it. It was the typical romanticism of a seer. They were always trying to make things look like they'd been around for a hundred years – it was good for business. _

_Her tiny fingers fumbled with it; they had only been used for five years. After much of a struggle, and a final interruption from her father, the twine was pulled off and the parchment unraveled. Faith looked at the letters distressfully. "Da, you know I can't read!"_

"_Alright, ya rascal I'll read it to ya," he laughed. He took it from her. After reading it to himself, as parents always do, a frown creased his forehead. Looking down at her expectant face, he smiled again and read (or so the little girl thought) what the parchment said. "'This little girl will grow up to be successful and her life will be filled with everything wonderful. She will fall in love with a green-eyed prince and live happily after.' Well, ma darling, there ya go. Now go open some more of your presents. Santa's been extra good to you this year!" Exited and filled with anticipation for her gifts, Faith didn't see the look of extreme distress on her father's face. She didn't see either, for her back was turned as he ripped up the parchment and threw it into the blazing fire. _

_Well, Da, I don't know what the parchment said but come on. A green-eyed prince? Like living happily ever after with a prince is the path of an owl. The only prince I'll find will have a hollow skull and he'll cough up pellets filled with mouse bones. Please. _

"Hedwig, do you want some food?" Yes, that would be exactly what she would need. He began to feed her small pieces of a sandwich he was eating. _It's not like I know any green-eyed princes…_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Oi, I feel really bad about how long it's been! I'm so awfully bad at writing on a schedule! However, come Christmas vacation I will _definitely _try to get another chapter up!

Please read and review!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is J.K. Rowling's, but Faith is MINE!!

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Chapter 3 – An Unfamiliar Memory

She couldn't believe she was actually doing this. I mean, it was crazy… right? Well, Dumbledore didn't think so. But then again, he was an old man who had taught at a school of magic for God knows how many years; he was bound to see crazy things every day. But an owl going to learn magic? It was unheard of. Well, it wasn't technically an owl going, it was girl. A girl named Faith McKinley.

The platform seemed to be coming closer much faster than it should. She tightened her right hand in a fist around the bird cage she carried. It had been Dumbledore's idea for her to get an owl. He thought she might connect with it better than any other animal. Plus, if she had gotten, say, a frog, it wouldn't necessarily last long in her company…

Things had been hard to adjust to. She'd only been human for a day and she was feeling overwhelmed. Hygiene and appearance were things birds really didn't have to worry about. And she kept getting strange cravings for rodents. Not to mention her broken wing… arm kept shooting pains into her back and shoulder.

Things were going to be disastrously difficult, and it was all thanks to _him_.

_Flashback_

"_Faith, if you ever want to be able to live like you should, than you have to be willing to take the necessary steps." His face poked out of the fire in the Dudley's living room. The pigs and they're monster of a son were out for the day and had taken Harry with them for once. She couldn't imagine a worst way to spend the last day of the summer vacation._

"_But Professor…"_

"_No. You've been cooped up in Harry's bedroom for much too long. You're getting noticeably thinner! And you weren't made to be an owl for heavens sake! You need to be human and live the life of a teenage girl," he communicated to her._

_Expecting argument, he took a deep breath and searched her face. Earning no other response than a pair of sagging wings (one more pathetic than the other because of a bandage) and two eyes pointing in opposite directions to avoid his gaze, he continued. _

"_Now, Miss. McKinley, after much thought, I have decided you are coming to Hogwarts."_

_She gasped. "Hogwarts! But – but I'm hardly a witch! I'm not even a _human_!"_

_"You _are _a human Faith. Animagus or not, you are still a human. And you have the mind of a very advanced one at that."_

_"I realize you take great pride in your judgment, Professor, but not even _your_ staff would react kindly to an illegal Animagus sitting in their classroom. What, would I hoot out the spells or something?"_

"_I am a rather old and experienced wizard, Ms. McKinley. You must give me some credit for having at least _some_ forethought in this matter. The professors are not to know."_

_She had to use a good amount of will power to keep from asking him if he was insane. "I think you're underestimating their eyesight."_

"_Faith, you're going to take on a human form, of course." _

_The silence stretched. Dumbledore simply sat there as if he had commented on how beautiful her wing color was. His passiveness made her feel an intense pressure to say something. So she did._

"_Oh."_

_Sighing, he said, _"_A potion, Miss. McKinley. Practically everything in the wizarding world has some kind of antibiotic. When I was about your age, I had a face covered in blemishes - a healer handed me a vile to use when I had the time and it wasn't two seconds before they were all gone. I often think myself quite fortunate that we get to live in such a world." He sat musing in his chair for a moment as she coughed uncomfortably. The professor had a very odd way of putting things, that much was certain._

_She hadn't thought it was possible. All those times she had desperately wanted to turn back into her human form and couldn't simply because the pain was too much to bear, there was a potion. She had to make an effort not to be bitter at the old man for keeping it hidden for so long._

"_Meet me at that very large tree not far from here tonight when everyone is asleep. We'll talk through the specifics."_

"_But my wing…"_

"_Apparate. I taught you how, you'll be fine. Now, I must go, Professor McGonagall won't stop banging on my door." He stopped and sighed. "Take care of yourself, Faith." And without another word, he was gone. _

_She whispered to the flames, "Thank you, Professor."_

_End Flashback_

So here she was, about to run into a wall. She'd never liked going through that wall. It always made her rather sick to her stomach. Who'd ever heard of running into a wall to get somewhere anyway? Ridiculous.

When she made it through, she looked around. Everything seemed so much smaller. _No, I'm just 57 times _bigger_… _

_It's not like he can recognize me here, Dumbledore made sure of that. _Potions were bloody brilliant. Just one drop and – _'wham!'_ – you were human again! Ironic, wasn't it?

Sucking in a breath, and making sure no muggles were in sight, she ran into the bricks and appeared on Platform 9 and 3/4. Her nervousness was replaced by chuckling for a moment when she remembered Harry's difficulty in finding this same platform seven years ago. She had had to make a strong effort not to laugh when the officer quirked an eyebrow at the innocent and delusional boy.

Thinking about said boy-who-lived, however, only brought back the butterflies that flitted about in her stomach. _He's going to be taking classes with me... oh bullocks._

She had arrived early so she wouldn't have to bump into anyone awkwardly. Who knows what they would think of her? She hadn't ever been sorted - Dumbledore had her automatically put into Griffindor - and she had never takes OWLS or NEWTS. She was a misfit if there ever was one.

Dragging her bags up into the train almost made her burst a blood vessel in her arms. She hadn't had to do any kind of lifting like this in a human form since... well she didn't remember. She went to the very back of the train and found an isolated compartment that looked almost new for all the use Hogwarts had gotten out of it. _Obviously everyone else in this school is a social butterfly... and then there's me_.

She sat there and heard as the compartments a few ahead of hers were filled with giggling girls and chattering friends. The sounds made her bring her knees up to her chin on the seat and hug them tight. When everyone was on, and the last goodbyes had been made to the tearing first-year parents, the whistle blew, and it the train lurched forward.

The trip was uneventful. She stayed in her own compartment and tried to act invisible to avoid discovery. And it would have worked but for one incident involving a boy who could never manage to keep a hold on his one posession.

She had been trying to settle down for the long train, thinking how strange it was that a wizard could move a mountain if he so desired, but strangely enough no one could find a way to transport a few measly students to the school to avoid a journey. _I'll have to talk to Hermoine about that later…_

WHAM! A befuddled Neville burst through her door. He didn't speak to her at first; he just started looking around the compartment. He was about to lift up the cushion she was sitting on when she put a hand up and asked him what the hell he was doing.

"Oh, sorry," he began, "Hi Faith." She thought his words. _Wait, he... knows me? _So she put on a smile that hopefully didn't look confused and greeted him warmly.

"I lost my toad and I've been looking up and down this bloody train and haven't seen a wart!"

Inwardly, Faith was experiencing a rolling eye movement. _Why the bloody hell can't he keep a hold on that thing? Well it is awfully slimey._ But outwardly she was smiling and telling him that his toad might have just slipped under a cushion in his compartment.

"Oh," he replied, "I'll look, thanks Faith! See you round?" She nodded in response.

And then he left and she was alone with her luggage once again.

For the rest of the journey she sat and listened to the chugging of the train's wheels, thudding as hard as her heart.

After all, it's not every day you go to a school where weapons of mass destruction were part of the curriculum.

_So… Hogwarts._ It was different, to say the least. All the seventh years were running to each other in excitement. Faith knew all these people. Well, she knew them as an owl of course. She had brought some of them letters; she had passed by some of their windows at night as they were getting ready for bed. She knew some of their deep dark secrets. No one would have noticed an owl sitting outside their window; no one would have _cared_. For instance, she knew that Crabbe had only gotten into Hogwarts because his father had written and specifically asked for an invitation… _six times_. Goyle got one after 2 requests. Pansy Parkinson's secret she remembered vividly: a huge thing for Harry Potter. Well, at least, that's what one deduces from the statement, 'sometimes I just want to shag him to death!'.

Mostly, she knew that half the people in Hufflepuff were smarter than they thought, half the people in Gryffindor were wimps, and half the people in Ravenclaw were just getting by in their classes. The only honest reputation was Slytherin's. Go figure. They were all just as brilliantly crafty and evil as they should be.

She was glancing around the hall when suddenly she was tackled by a bush of brown frizzy hair. She panicked and irrational thoughts flew through her brain – _does she know it's me? Maybe Harry knows! I'm going to get kicked out on my first day…_

"Faith! Did you have a good summer?"

_What?_

"...yeah, it was wonderful! How was yours?"

"Oh, brilliant! We went to Scotland and I got to see my great-grandma…"

"Faith!" _Just be cool and calm, go along with it. Were they told to be nice to me or something?_

"Hey Ron! …how was your summer?"

"Brilliant, too many cousins though."

_Why do they know me? Wait… does _Harry_ know me?_

"Oi, Ron, Hermoine! Faith!" _Guess so..._

When he reached them, he smiled.

"Hi Harry."

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Yay! R&R por favor, and I will love you:))

And I will think great things of you because you waited this long!

-EK


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So I wrote this in bits and pieces, so it seems rather to skip around and without flow. I apologize if it isnt my best :S. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless:)

**Disclaimer**: Yes I am secretly J.K. Rowling in disguise and these are all my characters and my story. MINE! Convincing? I thought not...

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Chapter 4 - Emptiness

"How are you?" His smile seemed to capture her eyes and she had trouble responding.

"I… I'm fine."

He gave her an odd expression. "That's… good." When she didn't respond then either, he turned to Ron and started asking him about the games he had seen that summer; _Quidditch_ games of course. As they began to walk away, talking as animatedly as one can about a passion, she felt someone take her arm and steer her towards the great hall.

"You alright, Faith? You kind of, well, stopped talking for a long moment there." Hermoine looked at her concernedly.

"No I'm fine."

"Good. You looked almost mooney over Harry," she laughed. Faith didn't have the heart to laugh with her.

Soon, they were joined by another red head. Thinking she had the hang of things, Faith spoke first. "Hi Ginny! How are you?"

"I'm brilliant, but let's not waste time with formalities. How's Peter?" This she said with a slight raise of her eyebrow and a sly curl to her mouth.

_What on earth…?_

"What Peter?"

"Oh, don't play that game with me! You know exactly what Peter!"

"Umm… he's… fine?"

"I'm going to need more than that!"

"Well I don't know. He's… brown haired and blue-eyed as ever!" She laughed nervously. _Oh gosh, I hope I never told her what this Peter guy looked like before_.

"I see; you don't want to talk about it. I respect that, Faith. At least I'll respect it until dinner," she smiled. Faith smiled back, but with relief that an interrogation of a mysterious boy was not about to disturb her day. Not that one could call the day anything _but _disturbed…

That night, as she lay in her new bed (which had, according to Hermoine and Ginny, actually been hers for seven years) she thought of how she was going to survive a year at Hogwarts without her feathers. Not only would she have to take classes (all of which, save Transfiguration, she knew she would fail), but she would also have to become accustomed to the facts and traditions of a life that she hadn't been physically there to lead. Everyone seemed to think she had been their classmate for years. They had memories, private jokes, grudges, and friendships with her that she didn't know. She had walked up to at least five Slytherins that had tried to glare her down, and a few that seemed to shrink in her presence. _What have I been doing for the past six years, anyway? Having fist fights with every Slytherin I see?_ But there were also at least thirty people who had embraced her on sight and tried to join her in their conversations, asking how her summer had been, how she was, etc. She thought for a moment with blushing pride that she might be popular. And then there was Peter. A boy who she hoped to God wasn't actually real, but was brought up in countless exchanges with other students. It was apparently very well-known that she either had a boyfriend named Peter, or that she had an extreme crush on a boy named Peter. Until she found out, how would she respond to their questions? She had weaved cautiously through Ginny's all throughout dinner and she was completely exhausted. She hoped to see Dumbledore before she had to explain anything to the redhead. _Speaking of the headmaster, I wonder what would be the swiftest way to kill the man._ She didn't exactly disrespect him, but she wondered what his intention was in pushing her into this immensely awkward situation. What other things had he stuffed into her imaginary and fantastical school years? Although she knew her mind would feel that everything was new, Faith McKinley the Hogwarts 7th year would not. Maybe she had failed her OWLS, or maybe she was bad at potions, or maybe she had already… had her first kiss. It wouldn't be unusual, of course. She would be an oddball if she was in her seventh year without being kissed. But it would be stolen from her, in a way. What other things had been stolen from her? She let the questions roll through her brain as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

As she slept, she dreamt, as one often does, about things she thought she had long forgotten.

_FLASHBACK_:

_Her father walked in the door, seeming rather more ruffled than usual. He held his bag in his hand – clutching it more tightly than Faith thought necessary. Even with only six years of experience, she knew that something was wrong. _

_Ever since the Christmas when she was five, her father had never seemed to be the same. He would seem normal enough when their family sat down for dinner – her parents, her three brothers, and herself – but she would look up to ask him for the salt and he would be looking at her curiously. It was almost an obsessive curiosity. When her mother had finally taught her to read (after much persuasion from the six year old) she had begun to devour books. She would often go to him in his study to ask him what this or that word meant, but before answering, he would always ask her some strange question about how she was feeling. She would shrug and ask him the word again. Then suddenly he would became the father he had been to her for five years; giving her his dictionary so she could discover it for herself, and then kissing her cheek and sending her on her way. It was a difference that only she seemed to notice, for her mother was never without her cheery smile and her brothers were as rowdy as usual. It must have been something to do with her…_

_He set the bag on the kitchen table and walked over to put his hat on the stand. She sat in plain view, reading a newly discovered book, but he didn't seem to see her. He went around the room, doing things he ceremonially did when getting home from work. He even grabbed something from the table in front of her, but he still did not see her. Wanting desperately to catch her attention, she put her hand up and waved in front of his face. He looked so pale. Almost in a daze, his glazed eyes went slowly to her face. A single tear ran down his roughly shaved cheeks. She wiped it away. _

_"What's wrong, Da?" He gave her a watery smile, but did not answer. Instead, he picked up her small form, placing the book gently on the table, and held her in the giant armchair. She tried to offer as much comfort as a six-year-old could, mostly patting him on the back and muttering that it would all be alright. She tried to imitate her mother in the arts of soothing, but everything she said seemed to increase his shaking. Eventually, she fell asleep in his arms as he held her tightly, not willing to let her go. _

_END FLASHBACK_

The moment the memory faded, she woke with a start. Rain dripped from the sky and crashed on the widow pane; like small, suicidal tears.

He had never told her why he had cried that night. She had asked him for days, but to no avail. He would smile, kiss her cheek, and send her on her way once again. Thinking of him brought a strange prickling feeling to her eyelids. He would have been so proud to have her at Hogwarts. She could picture his big, Scottish face lighting up. He would pick her up and swing her around in circles. Her pretty, homemade dress would fluff out around her small legs and she would feel like the only one in her father's life, if only for a moment. He would tell her that she was his favorite daughter, and she would respond by saying he was her favorite Da.

The last threads of the fantasy were slowly pulled from her mind as if she was the cloud and the memories were the rain. The more she released, the emptier she became.

Never would she be able to return to that happiness she had felt with her father. Everything connecting her with that life had been lost. Everything had been destroyed. Feeling a physical ache in her chest, she tried to fill the empty places with the smiles she had seen that day. She took Ginny's, she took Hermoine's, she took Ron's, and she blushingly took Harry's. But they were a grain of sand compared to the ones they were replacing.

Out of emotional exhaustion, she fell back against her pillows. The last image she saw before falling asleep was the face of her father – unshaven and tear-streaked, smiling at her as best he could.

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Please review, it makes me feel wonderfully loved:)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I know it's been a while and I can't express my apology enough. I do hope you like this chapter, so tell me what you think, and any ideas are welcome. If you see any mistakes or inconsistencies mention them an I shall duly note! Thanks for waiting :)

Disclaimer: I could cry from the dissapointment of not owning this, but I do own Hedwig's alter-ego! Oh and by the way, in this fanfic, I don't think I'm going to kill off Hedwig, so don't worry about that.

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A white hot pain surged up her arm and she awoke, gasping. _What on earth? _Oh yes, her wing. She had completely forgotten about breaking it, so being woken up by its sudden decision to pain her was unnerving.

It had been a temporary spell that kept back the pain, and Hermione wondered why Dumbledore hadn't just made it disappear altogether. She made a mental note to ask him about it the next time she saw him.

Unwillingly, she sat up in bed, cradling her arm. Her dark hair spilled over her shoulders and she braided it as well as her arm would allow. It shined as the early morning sun hit it, and she smiled. Its cleanliness was unusual, but welcome. She felt her cheek, and sighed as the softness of it sent tingles down her fingers. For the first time since she had been torn away from her comfortable (or, at least familiar) life as an owl, she felt that perhaps she had a chance. Perhaps it wouldn't be so hard after all. Smiling, she slipped out of bed.

Never had the Great Hall looked so warm and inviting. Breakfast was spread out before her, and on her plate was everything in arm's reach, piled high. She was almost afraid to touch it, for fear it wasn't real, that she might still be sleeping. It all seemed too fantastical. To be human for more than an hour, or even a minute! She hadn't known that feeling in years. But the feeling was that of a soldier coming home from war. It was a perfect dream, everything she had longed for since she could remember, but could one really adjust back into a life that seemed so long forgotten? She had seen too much, and lived in too many ways for too long. She pushed out the thoughts, though they carried her appetite with them, and remembered the scattered joys that had accompanied the past six years. The object of her thoughts suddenly sat down beside her, and any hints of loneliness were scattered.

"Morning, Faith." She smiled weakly at him, and then stared down at her plate. He chuckled. "Quite a breakfast you have there. Any more food and you could compete with Ron's appetite." She laughed nervously and pushed the plate away, cursing herself for her previous need for three breakfasts's worth of it.

Not soon after they were joined by the rest of Harry's friends – or _both _their friends, as the case now seemed to be. As an owl, she had always felt happy and wished she could talk and join in, but as a human, she wanted her feathers back.

"So Potions first, it seems," mused Hermione.

Ron mumbled into his plate, "Just don't answer all his questions and we might keep all our points this time."

"Excuse _me_, Ronald, if I actually prepared for the class while others were losing millions of brain cells flying through the air."

Ron scoffed. Ginny chuckled behind her hand, and Harry looked mildly offended. But before any had a chance to speak, the owls came rushing into the great hall, a great wave of hoots and feathers. Faith watched as everyone got letters from home, asking how they were adjusting into Hogwarts again. She looked enviously at Ginny and Ron's food packages from Mrs. Weasley.

Her attention was brought back in front of her when she received a bite on her finger. Sitting in front of her plate was her grey owl with a note attached to its ankle. Slowly she untied it and unrolled it. As she read, she absentmindedly stroked the owl beneath its ear.

_Dear Faith,_

_So you're at Hogwarts now, aren't you? Back for another exciting year, eh? It's not nearly as interesting here without you, I have to say. My Aunt Doreen came up with another truly "magical" recipe called Mermaid Cakes. I doubt she'd call them that if she really knew what mermaids were like, right? _

_I miss you already! A whole three months without you – I am _not_ looking forward to it. If only I wasn't a muggle, I would be there and having a fantastic time with you. But I suppose we have to take what we can get, right?_

_I can't write much more, but I look forward to seeing you again at Christmas. It won't be the same here in your absence. Good luck with your classes!_

_Love always,_

_Peter _

She looked up from the letter and quickly stuffed it into her robes. She didn't need another onslaught from Ginny about a boy she _still _had no clue how to describe. _Love always_. Who was this kid? It wasn't her brother – that much was certain. But was he a boyfriend or just a very loving friend?

"Hey, I do the same thing to my bird!" Harry was looking over at her, and she glanced down at the pattern she was making under the bird's ear with her fingers. She removed them quickly.

"What a coincidence!" she pretended to look pleasantly surprised, but she doubted it looked convincing. Luckily it didn't look like Harry was paying attention, for he suddenly furrowed his brow and looked around at everyone.

"Speaking of Hedwig, have any of you seen her? I've been looking everywhere and I haven't sent her with a letter in days." All of them shook their heads and shrugged.

"She might have already made her home in the owlery, Harry. Mine does that sometimes," Ron suggested. Harry nodded in agreement and mentioned a resolve to check after classes. If anyone had looked over at Faith, they would have seen her face had gone sheet-white and her mouth hung open.

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She stood at the gargoyle marking Dumbledore's office and wrung her hands. "Professor I know you can hear me please let me up! Why did you change your password again?" She stomped angrily and almost as if the floor had a trigger, the spiraling staircase appeared. Setting her jaw and squaring her shoulders, she leapt up the stairs two by two.

She slammed open the door to his office. "Professor Dumbledore, I really think…" In front of her, Dumbledore was bent over his pensieve, seemingly immersed in an old memory. Agitatedly she waited for him to finish, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. She came up with a million well-thought-out sentences to approach him with, but all seemed childish. She felt her annoyance slowly leave her, and she realized that she had not only shouted at him from below his office, but then stormed in without knocking. She saw his frail hands clutching the bowl, the veins prominent on his milky skin. His back was bent like that of an old man, and he looked almost… vulnerable. Which was silly, because Professor Dumbledore was never vulnerable... She looked down and felt her cheeks red with shame. She shouldn't have…

"Faith?" She jumped and his smiling face was before her. "What can I do for you? I trust your first day as a Hogwarts student is going well." The addressed flushed and stumbled to find the proper words to express the experience.

"As well as can be expected, professor." His eyes were suddenly concerned, and he looked at Faith closely.

"You're not enjoying it?" She paused before speaking again.

"It's not that I don't enjoy it, sir, but I feel so out of place. After all, I haven't been human in years!" His response was to stare pointedly at her.

"You have always been human, Ms. McKinley. An Animagus is still a human, never forget that."

"But professor, I don't know how to act, or what to say to people! I'm out of practice, let's just say," she sighed.

Dumbledore walked slowly over to her, and then sat her down gently in a chair opposite his own. "I don't pretend to understand what this is like for you, Ms. McKinley, but I do believe you can make the adjustment and learn to love the new life you find. You may be surprised at how easy it is to return to your old ways, before you changed into an owl."

"But sir, there's also the issue of the duties I had in that life. They still exist and people haven't forgotten about Hedwig!"

"Are you talking of Potter's wish to have his owl back?"

She groaned, "Yes professor, how is he supposed to survive without me?" A twinkle came to the professor's eye.

"You must be very valuable and important to him."

"He needs a messenger… or a friend or something…" she stuttered.

"I see. Well there are ways of making him forget about it, I suppose –"

"No!" she shouted, and then reddened. Dumbledore's eyebrow rose, pulling up a corner of his mouth with it. "Is there a way – I mean is it possible – for me to turn temporarily back into an owl? That is, to reassure him? Let him know I'm alright?"

"I guess a very short period of transforming wouldn't hurt. But Faith, do be careful. When one has done it for so long, it can sometimes consume one's reason. Make sure you remember everything you can return to. I'll expect you to come see me when you have transformed back, I want to make sure everything went smoothly."

I became nervous. "I can assure you I'll be fine," I said shakily.

"I'm sure you will be, Ms. McKinley. I'm sure you will be."


End file.
